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The 3rd Session

As If

I’ve lived my life as if my life depended on it, in the perpetual present. I value my experiences, regardless. They have all together brought me to where I am now. No regrets. No mistakes. All OFLs.

My mistakes are all OFLs. Especially the ONE bad-ass of the bad relationships I allowed myself to remain in for 2+ years. Now, as the song goes, Now you’re someone that I used to know.

OFLs. Every. Single. One. Especially that one. Each contributed to where I’ve arrived in my life today. But, that one? I have to thank her for that one… as … I decided to….

Feel Into Myself with…

3 Years of Brainspotting

Feeling into that last experience that led me to that, and forgetting it into action. As, forgetting is for getting. It makes more room for the good stuff. I feel to embrace, breathe, and share…

The greatest fear for success should not be failure. It should Be succeeding at something that doesn’t matter.

~ Francis Chan

That Relationship

That relationship didn’t matter with the constant, toxic drip of shaming behaviors. I mattered, though, and understood that even a Professional Psychologist could get to her. I’m not a Professional Psychologist. I woke up when, outside of my family, I lost the thing most personal thing. 1st my creativity went. Then, my imagination died on the vine, desiccated by the drip so slowly that right before my eyes that I hadn’t seen it happen… right under my nose.

Creativity and imagination going away are pretty much one of the most common symptoms of PTSD, and when a relationship is a prison camp of Steven’s Wright’s dog named Stay. And, for an Artist, an Architect, a Tarot Reader and Astologer and Author? Fear incarnate. Like Steven Wright naming his dog Stay.

Come here, Stay. Come here, Stay.

I had to do something about it. We went into couple’s therapy as my requirement for staying in the relationship. I’d never given an ultimatum before as I typically see them as a unilateral decision made by one, though hidden behind the fakery that the person being given the ultimatum even has a chance. I never saw the merit of an ultimatum except in extreme cases, and this was certainly that. Still, ultimatums root themselves in control, and that has a tendency to cause disconnection and are most likely manipulation born of being afraid in most cases?

You Give

You give an ultimatum? Well, you need to be comfortable with the infinite responses possible, not a finite set of them, and certainly nothing definite. Definite, that which takes the finite away and results in a decision.

Ultimatums are worse from my perspective than the attempt to count to infinity, except in extreme cases. So, I cocked my head and realized this was one of those, an intense extreme case. If I didn’t want to die on the vine in total, or worse, experience the creative catatonic of being forever miserable, then it would begin with this.

The 1st Session

Funny thing happened on the way to…. Funny thing happened. Every time the Psychologist asked her a question in the 1st session, she’d put it off on me.

I started seeing something I’d never seen before as I wasn’t engaging in argument. I was powerfully listening because no one was coming at me directly. He was simply asking her questions. What did I see? The Narcissistic Sociopath. Projective Identity way beyond Psychological Projection, and stresses that were not Eustress. I saw rage and hatred and no fear and plenty of being afraid. Such anxiety about anything coming from the outside world… as it wold most likely be dangerous or to harm her. At least, that’s the expectation I saw her not inspect.

While calmly, calmly but fully dafuqin surprised, I calmly listened as my historical friends Carl Jung and Friedrich Nietzsche hopped up on each shoulder and settled in, settled in as I simply listened. Listened to the therapist turn her back to herself, which she would push right off over to me. And, he would calmly repeat.

I simply listened until the Psychologist turned to ask me something, and I felt into the question, attempted to open, attempted to feel-say, and say what I feLet. Rough. Raw, rugged geodes of statements where if he didn’t know what to hear for, the happy-mad-glad-sad hidden, I would have conveyed no feelings whatsoever. Though, he knew geodes better than me as a rock hound.

1st session, she leaves frustrated. I get it. This shit, this mud’s not easy. I leave with a hopeful though very furrowed brow. What dafuq just happened?

The 2nd Session

The 2nd session, I’m opening up, getting comfortable with things I was not comfortable with at all. He checkmates her. She still pushes it over. 3/4 of an hour and nothing but deflection. The therapist turns to me, and she, Wait! He’s the one with the problems. I don’t want to hear his bullshit. The therapist turns to me, Jordan, what do you think about that? I smiled one of those smiles where your temples flex. I feel she just described herself perfectly to a ‘T’. I don’t know that I have much to do with it. In fact it felt selfish to make it all about me. Her words not mine is what I got there. Her words for her to respond to.

Glad I brought a lighter. Guess that lit a show fuse.

The 3rd Session

3rd session. The therapist opens up with, Ok, Jordan is putting in an effort with an honesty that is based in vulnerability. You aren’t pulling your weight here. You are also a Psychologist. These sessions have started off wholly imbalanced, so I suggest we have two initial choices: we do them individually moving forward with each of you until both have made progress to come together in a session set; or, with him here we spend this Whole session on you in the interest of re-balancing.

OH!

Ohhhhh, was she incensed. And, I saw it, felt it whole-body. I saw the caged animal inside her lashing out through the bars. All her pain and what had been done to her — which, credit to her was quite a bit of beyond terrible And tragic things throughout her life. There’s a beauty in that gift of sight with someone when you see them warts and all, and then I came back from the experience on the other side… of the couch… into the room as she burst out in a rager of a Rantra at HIM… you know, the therapist, the one who couldn’t have done any of this to her? Yeah, that guy.

And, up and out of the session she flew.

We Had

We had come in from different parts of town, so different cars. His eyebrows go up calmly nodding to me. So, do you need to get up and go? I smiled. Ha! I saw what I was up against when she blamed you. She’s been doing that to me with every question she has ever asked after the 1st 2 months, for the last 2+ years. Your a profession in the Psych industry. With what I saw happen in these past 3 sessions, could YOU even ever get to her?

It doesn’t happen often, though most likely not.

Ok, I’m not a Psych professional, so the odds of me getting through? Less than zero to give myself at least some credit.

He smiled. I Continued.

She’s an Angler fish with her shiny questions and then GOBBLE, and you only then swim inside her shame. I saw that for the 1st Time today. There’s NO way YOU could be responsible for ANY of what she put on you tonight. She and I? That ended when the door closed behind her just now. It’s not the straw that broke the camel’s back. It was caused by the 1 million 435 thousand straws piled up on there unnoticed one by one until… I’m not Atlas.

So, nope, not leaving. We came in separate cars, she and I are through. I’ll handle that later. For my safety I may need to check into a hotel. Though, we still have 40 minutes, right?

Well then, yes we do. What would you like to focus on?

And the Long Road Home Began As…

I saw on your bio that you do Brainspotting. How does that work? Something is like a magnet inside me fascinated with that, and I know spare little about it.

He proceeded to give me the general overview in several minutes.

Well, COOL! Let’s get started. Let me stand up and shake that previous off, maybe an adrenaline dump like dogs and cats literally shaking it off and back into flow, and breathe deeply, then sit down…. Ok, how do we start?

And, We Did

I Took the Long Road Home

I took the long road home, ended the Internal Civil War between my own Parts, things I’ve called Inner Inheritances in Tarot in the Land of Mystereum and ImaginAction, and ImaginAction 2.0 that caused me to not only allow that kind of relationship, but to maybe even to expect it. Interesting to me that I wrote about things that I was doing naturally, though that wouldn’t reach the intensity to dive even deeper than I had in writing those books.

The Parts Now?

The Parts now? Now, I continue to work with and listen to them regardless of their intensity as they come up, or they choose to be allies in different ways not ready yet to dissolve in those ablution cascades of tingles in parts of the body when they do. And, some are heard, and I ask them their message. As I receive, they disappear into me, and I feel ablution tingles as they cascade disperse to re-home where they belong in my body.

I feel again now. I feel and do my creative work. I’m in love with my creativity and imagination again. I look forward to where that takes me from here.

After 3+ years of Brainspotting, Sovereign.

18 months ago I paused Brainspotting after 3+ years, looked up from my desk. Why was I even sitting there? Why had I been sitting there for the same hour every day for 2 weeks. I chuckled and smiled wide temples flexing eyes brightening and began writing as if I had never stopped… as out loud I said,

In Regards to Unresolved Trauma That Triggers You, Here’s a Bastille Day Poem I Wrote in 1993

Stop

Who Is to free the prisoners when sand sleeps in the eternity of the titled hourglass?

(C)) 1993 Jordan Hoggard

There is an art to learning your cup is always being filled with beauty, and learning how to tip it over to spill some out. Beauty spilled is a mess that doesn’t need to be cleaned up. Trauma, trauma stuck inside and driving you. May I suggest to learn ways to tilt the hourglass back up to wake up those sands of trauma so they can flow rather than fester?

Now, it’s time

Now it’s time to grow a Lotus out of this mud.

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now, put the foundations under them.

~ Henry David Thoreau, Walden

And, I began writing again, differently now.

That All started

That all started 4 1/2 years ago.

I took the long road home, on purpose.

I cherish what I went through and have done and how I’ve grown into myself where my boundaries look like… well, they look just like me. In the last 18 months from It’s time to grow a Lotus out of this mud,, and from all the creative work I did before the poisonous drip and ooooohhhh SHINY of the Angler Fish‘s bait… they live here now. In me. Perennials waking after a long winter sleep to wake verdant and naturalize in my voice.

And, what’s that? What have I done. Naturalize my perennials? I’ve begun to naturalize the perennial of me in my wonderful Soul Garden. Soul Gardener… hmmm, I like that. Thank you M.Y. — you know who you are. That card you gave me at REI that day Sitting on the bench with coffee in Denver in 2006-2007. You wrote that to me. You referred to me as a Soul Gardener in your card. It was such an honor and went way over my head of the credit I was NOT giving myself back then to believe in my work fully. That stuck. And now, I’m unstuck. Thank you for that gift, for that card, for your astute and apt and heartfelt words, so I can now thank myself for my value, and be grateful… I can be grateful that I have a Soul Gardener to help me Naturalize further in my life, may way. Thank you, M.Y.

Quick fixes have shallow roots.

~ Unknown

Storms make the oaks take deeper roots.

~ George Herbert

A tree with deep roots laughs at storms.

~ Malay Proverb

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was greater than the risk it took to blossom.

~ Anais Nin

Religion and Heaven are for people who do not want to go to Hell. Spirituality is for those of us who have already been there.

~ David Bowie
Reflections (c) 2006 Jordan Hoggard

My Soul Gardener Asks

What cornerstone in life do you brace against to grow a Lotus out of the mud in an area of your life… no matter how long it takes?

Jordan’s Shop Supports This Blog. Check out the great eStocking Stuffers to add that special flourish of visual music for the eyes and the soul to complement your gifting.

*********************

The Holiday fun begins!

Which Holiday eProducts do your friends and family receive this year?

Load up your cart at the Shop with inexpensive eProduct stocking stuffers, complete your order, and then have fun shopping for Just the right color thumb drive. Drag and drop the eAstro Art Chart(s) and other eProducts onto it, and smile as you slip it into Holiday stockings. Your thumb drive is the wrapping, and then color and life in the Art Chart And other cool PDF gifts opens right up on your/their device of choice. 

Or, No thumb drive required. Try this! You as Santa set up draft emails with your eGifts attached. Sit around the tree Or ZOOM eTree and point and shoot to each person. Ok, who’s next? Click Send on their draft email and they receive it right on the spot from the same room or around the ZOOM eTree so all can share in the joy as each person’s eyes light up with the colorful feast of music for the eyes begins to play into their world. 

Blog (c) 2020 Jordan Hoggard

ImaginAction (c) 2008 – 2020 Jordan Hoggard

 
 

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Mystereum Tarot Monday Mayhem

Mystereum Tarot Monday Mayhem

So, if you are similar to me and a lot of other Tarot readers, sometimes we see and read things in simple images, in a tree, in a group of people.  Well, I thought, what the heck, it’s Monday and I woke up on the bright side.  So, enjoy this Tarot warm-up technique of reading 1st 5 spams in your spam email folder.  Heck, they’re free, and it’s a great way to loosen up, warm up, and get your juices flowing with a smile.  Then of course the ever important “D” word in marketing.  Delete.  Some things simply do not deserve your time anymore.

Think about it.  You are probably going to say NO! to most spams anyway, and I’d bet Tarot isn’t going to change your mind about that.  BUT, why not say a NO! with the higher octave of humor.  Humor is playing with the steps like Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers which is beyond learning them.   Dance with your steps to warm up today.  Today’s Monday Tarot Mayhem spam email topics submitted by Karen from the UK.  Send your contributions to be included in future Monday Tarot Mayhem blogs.  You can simply place them in the comments here for consideration.  Only type the spam email title and the snippet of the body text you can see without opening the spam, when it is unread.

Reading Spam As Alchemy, Serendipity, a Warm-up Exercise?  Sure!

Don’t be afraid to toss the banana peel so to speak after you get all the free goody out of it. Today’s Monday Tarot Mayhem Spam emails Titles/From and Subject Line snippets are . . .

Card 1 ~ Mark Habert. Business Proposal herbal roots supply

2 of Wands

  • The 2 of Wands indicates warning of potential disaster by overload and imbalance. Look for your natural path. Do not become overwhelmed by perceiving many little things as one big thing. Being aware when you are daydreaming is also indicated. See though the mirages of your fixations. Listening, waiting, and being on the move clearly is indicated to pull you through this time where you may feel barraged.
  • So, it is pretty much indicated to see past the Den Of sensory overload Iniquities, see past the blind spots. If I look for the overall pattern I might find the awesome Den Of Iniquities of that secret spot.
  • The Knock It Outa The Park NO! = Sounds like you should have made a Business Plan, Mr. Habert, BEFORE you got all the way to harvest.  I suggest a freezer so you don’t waste your bountiful root supply.

Card 2 ~ Mr. Paul Nwanze. Re: Your Atm Master Card Release

XVII The Star

  • The Star indicates continually finding your cosmic groove and going for it! Eternal hope in the diamond-like seat of your mind-body-beautiful is indicated to be sparkling brightly! The Star card indicates the immutable and vibrant presence of your memories, your hope, and your knowledge. The Star encourages you to shift your focus and re-direct your scale without moving the gaze upon your focus. Even the smallest star provides a glimmer of hope. This is a bright time for feeling your possibilities expanding!
  • So, is my ATM Mastercard incarcerated?  I’ll probably be more frugal if I let it sit there a while.
  • The Knock It Outa The Park NO! = Dear Mr. Paul Nwanze, Thank You for your consideration in this matter requiring the utmost urgency of my attention.  I suggest some milk and cookies on the ready ’cause that card’s gonna get AnCY and throw GATLINE GUN-level tantrums if you don’t give it the breathing room to go out shopping.  I’d say that I hope you’re a great card-Warden, uh hem, I mean babysitter.  From experience, though, I know better. If you have my card, it sure sucks to be you.  Don’t lose your key, Dood!

Card 3 ~ Chase Online. Security Issue

9 of Swords

  • The 9 of Swords indicates situations or events nearing completion or another plateau waiting. Feel experience AS the situation. Also indicated is that you have passed through the mental anguish of false summits. Though misery, suffering, and desolation may be present, the 9 of Swords loves that the path is clear, false summits and immediate horizons are trail-markers rather than destinations, and progress is being made!
  • So, it’s pretty clear unless I have alzheimers and don’t remember properly that I do not bank with Chase anymore even though their “We HAVE YOU SURROUNDED, New Mexico” map presence still makes me laugh.  What? The whole STATE’s gonna come out with our hands up.
  • The Knock It Outa The Park NO! = Uh, Dear Chase, I predict a long line at your Drive-Thrus today.  Your immediate horizon should be to not forget the obvious policy you have of making sure that fewer tellers are scheduled when you are busy like you will be today.  Did you learn that from the grocery store or vice versa?  You certainly have a way of taking the dynamism of this 9 and whipping it into a frenzied agitation of snipey communications all over the place, doncha?

Card 4 ~ USPS Service. USPS Delivery Information # Error ID4654

VII The Chariot

  • The Chariot indicates you are bringing powerfully diverse, internal forces into harmony. Indicates agility at speed in your process. Take note of your strategies as chariots typically engage from the side rather than head on. Look to the powerful forces in your life to feel where strain needs to be tuned back in to balance. The embodiment of stand-alone, self-nourishing connections is indicated in the agility of your actions. Shift and corner! This is a great time to feel the agility of your responsiveness!
  • So, I think I need to notify the USPS that the agility of their responsiveness is out of whack because they have an information # error and go so far as to assign it an ID.
  • The Knock It Outa The Park NO! = Dear USPS, Your Information # Error with ID exposes the chief problem with your system.  EVERYBODY knows the only # not in error is 42.  Geez. I know better than to be tricked by a 4-digit imposter when a 2-digit one will do.

Card 5 ~ Blog Advertising.  Premium High Traffic Blog Ad Software

3 of Cups

  • The 3 of Cups indicates seeking celebratory fulfillment working with someone or a group. Personal growth experienced by developing friendships and partnerships is also indicated. Note how trees help each other stay strong and healthy when they grow in groups.
  • So, DAYum right there!  Gotta get some Ad Software called MY FRIENDS to do some WOMM, Word Of Mouth Marketing.  OH, they already do that.
  • The Knock It Outa The Park NO! = So, let me see.  After consulting with my people, we have come to a position.  Our email addresses are ours, so we are Natives and you are Pilgrims Ad Software coming a invadin’ our addy beaches . . . We have a statement: “So let me get this straight. First, you arrive here illegally.  And, now you want us to teach you about corn?”

Thanks for warming up your dance with today’s Monday Tarot Mayhem! Part of

the Mayhem today was a big ole interesting ????? why did I nuke my Sunday spams? What was I thinking? How does Monday come back around so quickly? ZooooooooMmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!   Having to STOP depending on Spam sounds absurd, though if my be-prepared-and-finish-groups-of blogs-for-launch/scheduling-together I’d say hmmmm, I better pay more attention, huh?  Maybe next week I won’t trash ‘[em, but keep ’em all and INTERVIEW MY SPAM to see which 5 make the cut. LOL

Higher octave your week with humor!

Discover the treasure of the gifts that arrive when you say NO with GUSTO!  You’d be surprised at the table turner of humor.

“Laughter is the shortest distance between people.” ~ Victor Borge

“It’s a small world. But, I wouldn’t want to paint it.” ~ Steven Wright

Have a great week!

Take Mystereum for a FREE reading spin!  Mystereum at MyDivination!

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All images and text (c)2010, 2012 Jordan Hoggard

Tarot in the Land of Mystereum is available signed by the author at www.jordanhoggard.com

There are only four 1.5″ x 2.5″ copper Tarot Birth Card pieces of magic left at www.jordanhoggard.com

Groc the videos at www.youtube.com/drawsalotmore

 
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Posted by on September 3, 2012 in Card Curiosities, The Mystery

 

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