After the meeting, after everyone had left, I stood there with the Structural Engineer, talking back and forth, de-briefing a bit. We paused. Reflected. He put his hand to settle in strongly on my shoulder with, Wow! ‘Don’t waste trouble,’ huh? I like that.I saw that today. I saw what you did there at the table wise in time. Balls, man! Before I could even think how your and my E&O insurance people were going to have a field day with this miss discovered in the meeting, and I don’t even want to think about our attorneys.
You, in the moment, immediately when it came up, Just slowly leaned forward and placed both your palms on the table, leaned in further to dead-in-the-eye the clients across the table who brought it up on behalf of their attorney, and interestedly said,
“Yes. On that note I’ve been wanting to speak with you about something. This seems the time.”
As you reached over and slid over a roll of tracing paper, picked up your crayon, that god-damn-contrary-to-popular-belief-God’s-name’s-not-dammit CRAYON, and proceeded to design out that wicked liability problem that none of us, you included, had caught until just now… and transform it into a frickin’ magazine cover level detail. DaFuq. DaFuq. I’ll tell you what DaFuq. You didn’t even flinch, Man!, just leaned in like you were smiling into the Abyss as an old friend, one foot firmly planted on the tail of the Mah, one foot planted in your left hand securing the tracing paper, one foot firmly planted in that… god-damn Crayon of yours— how do you spell that again? Ma? Mah?
That mountain and blood and sand and blown knee and 19-degrees F through the night at 14k feet in a T-shirt and shorts last month… when it was too dangerous for Search & Rescue to come for you?!!… getting yourself off that mountain that afternoon through night… That DID something to you. Well, DaFuq. I am, too. I’m going to do something to you, too, right now. I’m going to keep that. ‘Don’t waste trouble.’ Love it!Keeper!
‘Don’t waste trouble.’ Thank you. You built a whole ‘nother world in that one expression today, As you literally drew out the moment with that…god-damn Crayon and a couple of looks, redirected a tsunami before it even got to surge. Making a tsunami go elsewhere? DAYum. ‘Don’t waste trouble.’ Love it.That, that is useful. That’s a KEEPER!Buy you lunch?
Don’t Waste Trouble’
How have you used the OFL
~ Opportunity For Learning ~
of Don’t Waste Trouble to go from inception to conception to carried full term to completion right there in the moment?
Adversity doesn’t build character. It reveals it. ~ James Lane Allen
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Suffering isn’t always required for success if you’re allergic to boredom and challenge yourself. Discipline of the ritual, and Butt In The Chair is most likely required though — The BITCh Method. Butt In The Chair… or, wherever you create.
Sometimes. And ALSO, sometimes what does not kill us, doesn’t kill us because it likes us very much. When you don’t waste trouble, you don’t let your emotions dictate how you feel. You allow them to guide how you feel, though not get dissolved by them. When you don’t waste trouble… it’s not the catastrophe that’s the problem. It’s how you take it, what you make of it, your perspective on it. Perspective is key. How can you hold your mouth differently? Like an interrogative dog? How can you hold your mouth differently. It, literally, gives you a different perspective.
Adversity is like weather coming in, that has arrived, on the mountain, above treeline, in late October, on a 14er, at 14,263 feet above sea level, on Mt Democrat, the sun dropping behind the bowl, temp from 60s to 23 to 19, and you got stuck not getting off the mountain at 2p before the storms come in, and you’re day-dressed, shorts and a T-shirt. Nature’ll kill ya, no matter your experience level. Nature’ll kill ya. That I’m writing this? I kept going. Keep going…
Being aware of experience, though, means we’re still alive, and so does pain. You don’t need to suffer, though the best thing about pain is, it let’s you know you’re still alive, and to get Home! Well, these days, that flips itself huh? Maybe you want to get OUT of home? I rather like it. Home of house. Home of place. Home of world, etc. I suggest to entertain that… the, I’ve just had an another experience, or, are having an experience. And, one can potentially make That stronger if one discerns… What’s the workability? Not responsibility. Not accountability. Workability.
Lose the reverse gear for just a moment. What’s your perspective of your experience? Don’t be anything you think you’re expected to be. Inspect your expectations. Check ‘em at the door. Heck, shake ‘em off to reveal You. If you have to, cross-check them into the blue line wall hard enough for their helmet to shatter the glass, so you can shatter your glass ceiling(s). Shake ‘em off. Oh, and sometimes all you have to do is duck, or move out of the way. It’s nothing personal, all just some action on the ice of life. Take care of yourself out there. And, don’t be afraid to smile as you slip just to the side. My joke one year was,Go ahead. Take aim. Waste of time. I’m so shot full of holes you’re gonna miss.
What geode gems of messages have you mined and cracked open by not wasting trouble, by working at your craft not to stave off boredom, but to build value for yourself? What was/is your takeaway message gift from them? Too numerous to remember? None yet? That’s fair.
May I suggest that you have Presence As Architecture, Presence As Architecture. Keep it. Upkeep it. Enhance it and reinforce it and strengthen it. Nourish its powerful limits and boundaries. Fly as high as your roots go deep. Swim as deep And infinitely as your dreams expand within you. If your roots go deep, have a strongly developed sense of yourself, words won’t move you. You may feel them, though sometimes, still no reason than to be still. Top Gun, I’ll hit the brakes and they’ll fly right by. Next.
Why flinch or grimace or dodge? Heck, you might have already been well placed. Don’t want to move into what was going to already pass right by. Strengthen your roots, develop and enhance your sense of identity and healthy boundaries. Then, there’s no cause or reason to fear the wind so to speak.
Why move 3” when blade only 1/4” wide? ~ Unknown. Mr. Miyagi?
I have 2 Allergies
My allergy to boredom neverminds the other one Into oblivion.
Death is the Mother of memory, the organic fertilizer that nourishes dreams, ideas, intuitions, imagination.
What message do I have for myself from this experience?
Feel it. Hear it inside. GIve its resonance space to expand until it settles. Now, say it.
Dead-head your pansies in your garden, or pots, or urns, or wherever you have them. It’s a verdant gesture to keep them thriving and vibrant. There’s so much cool color when you do. So much cool color ALL the time. Dead-head the flowers as they start to wilt and drop them to the base of the plant. Death will then be the Master Gardener to nourish. Death, the mother of memory, will fertilize future flowers’ dreams. Dead-head, and that energy can go into the soil, and the energy that was going to that flower will strengthen the remaining full flowers and new growth.
Pansies Are Delicate, Though…
Pansies are delicate, though they are hardy. Pansies in the garden are no weaklings. Pansies are SO not pansies. Trauma works like pansies to a degree…
So many times after an intense experiences passes, I feel there is a tendency to say, Phhuuuuueeewww. Glad that’s over. Run away! Like Monty Python. Run away! Run away!
Is it. Is it over? Is the experience really over? Or, is The End really Just The Next Beginning? Or, is the over simply that we escaped with our life? Or, escaped to be emancipated with more life, more of ourself revealed, now more evidently present?
Maybe, instead of Glad that’s over, somewhere along the line I’ve learned to dwell IN the experience while it was still fresh just afterwards, and then not have to dwell on it as some nebulous unresolved why-dafuq-do-I-get-triggered-that-way by who knows what that reminds me subtly enough that I don’t groc it until too late, for years to come.
Feel into trauma and experience wise in time or just after. Own it. Listen to its message. Allow it to integrate itSelf on its own terms. Continue WITH it as a new asset. Feel your empathy tuned up a notch in so doing. Respect and resonate in powerful witness with the trauma messenger inside. Be grateful to the person who triggered you BEFORE you act out driven by the trauma and not the totality of what you were the moment before. Express, Thank you for digging just there. I need to breathe and feel into that. ANd, if they are a solid friend comfortable in their own skin, they’ll understand, maybe even silently stay with you for the short vigil while you acclimate to the trauma re-surfacing, powerfully and respectfully and grateful listen to it in all its ferocity and candor and quiet subtleties.
Once your trauma has re-acclimated to you as well — its birth to peel off from you to protect you and bleed off overload in the system and become a disconnected Part and be buried deep inside may Be the last time it saw you — get re-acquainted, and do so allowing the Part to lead. Don’t poison it with any words or expectations or presumptive putting words in its mouth. Allow it to speak, and do so on its own time rather than yours. The 1st session with a Part may simply be an awareness of one another session. Each encounter is different. It may leave and come back to check in later. Minutes. Days. Years. Simply reserve a place At your table for it when it presents each time.
Amending The Soil
It feels like fingers in black earth while amending the soil in the garden. If, just for a moment, I honor myself enough to be silent and still, not frozen, not in shock, silent and still, when I feel into the intense experience after I have washed up on the shore on the other side after the storm I’ve experienced has broken, I can feel-discern with a fresh clarity of vision in a new perspective framed by the experience before it evaporates. And, it informs me. It gifts me the message of my experience while it’s still fresh, instead of disappearing inside to become a trigger where the trauma is always kept fresh.
Still near it, fresh and wet behind the ears from my birth from The experience, before it’s truly past trauma, still focused by it and immersed in it rather than by me, a bit still hanging toes in the unconscious semi-liminal, it or I may gift myself a message from the experience before I fully step back over the trauma prison of Inner Beyond to here. Psychologists have plenty of titles for this. That’s cool. Creativity is not a diagnosis or a malady or a disorder. The only titles that matter to me are Tarot Reader and Author, Astrology Reader and Author (by Blog), Artist, Poet, Writer, Alchemist, Architect, someone who is Alive. Bold. Courageous. Caring. Empathic without being mushy… unless of course we have our toes in the mud… to grow a Lotus from the mud in joyous and as-if-without-thought-or will sandbox garden.
Fearlessness doesn’t apply here. I have plenty of fears. I simply don’t let anxiety kidnap them and torture and distort them into making me afraid. Guess that helps get off the mountain when those torrentially experiential storms come in rain-singing, Nature’ll kill ya. Keep breathing, and you’re still alive so you’re still a problem. Keep breathing. Nature’ll kill ya. Nature’ll kill ya. And, Nature will make you stronger when you relive yourself of the excess, when you deadhead the pansies in the Soul Garden so they keep thriving more and more strongly towards perennial naturalization each year.
I’d stay in that place as long as it took, not running for dear life to get as far away as possible, certainly not frozen, quite the contrary. Not fight or flight or freeze. Aware. Still. Focused. Patience is not docile or omissive. Patience is concentrated strength.
I in-dwell in the feelingsense home of the space, of the place, of my recent, intense experience. Sometimes 5 seconds. Sometimes an hour. Sometimes decades cycling around through its paces throughout my psyche. No deadline, no expectation. I simply make serendipitous stumbles in meditative momentS moving forward in a powerful and respectful witness of what just occurred. I don’t waste trouble.
And, I do that until I’ve psychic-gold-panned past the experience’s rough geode exterior to see beyond the rawness in the moment to the refined, potent message. I see into to the colorfully kaleidoscopic, living crystal, juicy gemstone, geode interior. And, the message comes as my head begins nodding. Almost without fail. Almost without fail is an acceptable risk to me.
I’ve had historical friends for as long as I can remember. Sometimes they are spectators, sometimes assistants, sometimes colleagues, and sometimes I’m the spectator when I Engage in process towards the message with something like: What would my friend Fred do?; How would my friend Bill B handle this?; What does CG‘s ‘Red Book’ have to offer?
How Do You Keep It?
Who Are Your Historical Friends?
How Can They Help You Today?
How do I keep it? I keep it with an open palm up to the sky where it would nestle in my hand. No closing my hand and holding tight white knuckling to possess it. That suffocates things. Embrace it. Embrace the person or thing as a talisman, a talisman of THEMself on their terms. No need to digress into Psychological Projection or Projective Identity. Those two are the horseshit born of not owning your own stuff.
How do I embrace and meet up with inner, geode messages?
Open handed, reciprocal figure to ground touch, the Both/And touch of the Yin-Yang, the apogee master violin bow single-stroke bindus connecting inhale and exhale, forming breath as prayer. That’s how I embrace and meet up with these inner, geode messages.
Adversity doesn’t build character. It reveals it. ~ James Lane Allen
Be there. Be present. The present is perpetual.
Boundaries that create separation simply induce self-imposed anxiety. Boundaries that establish identity and distinctions can dance and immerse in one another without dissolution. I love swimming. I love swimming immersed with another and their uncut intensities even more. Fun stuff.
Then, if you‘re still alive, keep it.
And, saturation needn’t be drowning in the distress of a situation. Like a high performance, high speed, X-rated radial tire — rated for speeds over 134 mph, it’s on you to take responsibility for how far you take it above that… they’re not concerned about a court case at that level above 200 mph as that’s on you top make sure — you and your tires are filled up to 33 psi for stability, and maybe dropped to 32psi for added grip in the turns in the cold? Yes. Vrooom, shift n corner, baby! Shift n corner TOGETHER!
Message Gifts Kept
From your experiences, what gems of messages have you mined to keep?
They are yours, I respect that, and ask that you do as well. No need to comment them here. Please comment only IFF if and only if you care to and are full-on comfortable to share them. Otherwise, they are yours to tune your Soul’s liquid silence with the resonant chords of you and nurture the healthy boundaries of the Royal Castle Around You forming you as Presence As Architecture, or whatever you decide you do with… (Hey presumption, get the effa outa here and know when to shut dafuq up)
May I suggest that Your Presence Is Architecture, Presence As Architecture. Keep it. Upkeep it. Nourish its powerful limits and boundaries. Fly as high as your roots go deep. Swim as deep And infinitely as your dreams expand within.
How do you dead-head the pansies of trauma to nourish yourself by respectfully integrating them?
Man who have mosquito land on testicles learns very quickly violence not best 1st course of action.
Note; Moira is an asteroid in Astrology that rules the internal sense of time and timing. Call her your intuitive clock if you will. She is Chronos’ (Saturn/Kronos) Wife. Chiron is Chronos’ son. I’m not sure if Moira is Mom or StepMom. Mythical characters have gossip column gigs like that down pat, in spades.
No intent for it to be free. The cost is value, later, on your time.
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THANK YOU to every single person who has read, liked, commented, not liked though read anyway, didn’t know anything about though took a dip anyway for serendipity and found something, liked just to themselves without commenting or liking and left with something valued, even if just the smile or a nod.
Thank you all who have given my work a shout-out via words or a link on their sites. I personally like links more unless it’s a feature, keeps it more ad-free cleanly, and makes more of a community connective tissue. Thank you to all of you who have shared my blog on Facebook and other sites.
After I returned from my extended radio silence, I have seen my readers grow from 140+ to just over 200 in the last 10 weeks. I was in a Great mood when I returned, refreshed, though I smile at how many times I smile and get to say Thank You out loud when I see someone enjoyed my work, that they received something for their time. That makes me proud, and not the hubris kind of proud. That makes me proud in the “I Cherish” kind of proud. Thank you.
Thank you to all of you wonderful people who have read, share, and continue to read my blog. Also, thank you for inspiring me to write this. I may just make this the 1st part of a weekly series to mention those who influenced me or who I just resonated with. The intent will be to give people some serendipity eField Trip selections to choose from. A bit like Marco Polo returning with a full hull, a bit like a travel agent. Heck, it might even step up my serendipity forays, and I’m certainly game for that. Maybe I’ll call it Tuesday Thank You Trips. Hmmm, we’ll see. Titles are tricky sometimes, I’ll let it gestate until closer to next Tuesday.
Thank you to all of you wonderful people out there who participate in my work in whatever way you do, every single one of you! Whether you’re vocal or silent, active, or more Of a spectator. I appreciate your presence here. They say it takes a village. I say sure, a community of people all accepted for who they are without reason or explanation or apology. If anyone here ever feels uncomfortable, please speak up. Sometimes that indicates growing pains… for you, me, or both. Like a good stretch that breaks down some connective tissue a bit to regrow it stronger over the next several days.
Thank you all for being here. I appreciate you for that.
The greatest fear for success should not be failure. It should Be succeeding at something that doesn’t matter. ~ Francis Chan
Proceed as if success is inevitable. ~ Unknown
Întention is over-rated. It’s simply far more important the way something comes across. ~ Jordan Hoggard
My process of being naturally comfortable with the not-knowing while getting things done? Maybe it’s due to having almost died on the mountain once, twice, three times? Possibly. Maybe, it’s my Natal Astro Chart config, and how I’ve come to resonate with it in myself. Maybe, it’s also due to a life of welcoming experience over worry, as I seem to get happier the older I get.
By not numbing to just ignore intense gigs because my awareness has eroded, just have become accustomed to them, and/or didn’t like the discomfort? Nope. Nope. And… Nope. In fact I notice and respond or don’t more now. 3+ years of bi-weekly Brainspotting in my late 40s certainly didn’t hurt.
I love that someone recently asked me about my 5+ year radio silence. DOOD, what DID you do while you were gone?! You’re so clear now, even in your abstract, like you really love what you’re doing and know how to care about it more. AND, we can follow and all share in that as well. You were wickedly brilliant and interesting before, though at times hard to follow. You’d Easily paint the WHOLE picture at once in a stroke, 1,000 words or 5 word metaphor, at every scale. Easily clear to you, though… Yup, YOU just saw it and felt it, though keeping up with your revs and where you were going, uh hem… and you, NOT FAIR!, speed-shifting in sync bypassing the clutch… it was exhausting at times, and actually almost impossible, though ALSO intriguing. Your simple steps were leaps of faith for me, and I’m no Evil Knievel, though I’m ‘out there, too.’ Understood, you were thinking and feeling out loud, Effin Abstract Expressionist you were, and NOW, TOO, though I feel it clearly!. I fuckin’ resonate with what you’re doing SO much more now! Glad to have you back! And, more so, glad you have a more aware clarity of what you are doing in a way you can express it to us! You also seem happier. I may like that even more.
I live my life as if my life depends on it,
as those 3 times on the mountain it certainly did.
On the 3rd one — a short time after, me still swimming in the experience still wet behind the ears so to speak from it — i paused. I felt something stir deep within me that rose to the surface like Poseidon rising up through my Natal 10th House Neptune`Mercury conjunction in Scorpio, supported by my Pluto~Pallas-Athena~Uranus conjunction in 8th House Virgo, given plenty of room by my Moon~ASC 12th House conjunction in Capricorn. And, my Chiron could not have been more pleased. My head popped up as if a long lost friend suddenly appeared as if to continue a conversation interrupted, paused to gestate and ruminate, years ago.
Yes?, I asked, all ears. The message response came back…
My rock. It was my rock. My equilateral triangle, basalt rock from out of the sand at the top of the Mt Democrat 14er scree field. Sand and blood and a rock. I kept them, blotted the blood with sand, Sand-Aid not by Curad. The rock. I kept the rock. The blood and sand healed away. I kept the rock in my left pocket for 5 years. What happened to my rock? It’s now a talisman. It’s now the talisman on my wand which is a whole ‘ other story in itself.
Similarities resonating to life after 17 years. Cicada?
Constructing the Center, Night #12, 2008
What Do You Keep?
What cornerstone do you keep in your life to brace against?
How Can You Utilize That to Further Invest in Yourself?
Adversity doesn’t build character. It reveals it. ~ James Lane Allen
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