To All who feel they are alone on Father’s Day, for whatever reason…
Haven’t you been through the image below? Where you weather your storm, and it washed through? And, you washed up on your shore after the storm had broken? I feel that’s what Dad’s teach you to learn how to do.
Shame is deadly. And, since life is fatal, I have no need of that in the mix. Plus, if I make myself feel bad, I will typically make poorer quality decisions. That isn’t a necessary feature. I can make plenty of great mistakes on my own that fuel the process with new perspectives rather than desicating the FICP — functionally inter-related component parts — with shame. I’ll go ahead and say it. I find shame to be psychological excrement. Pick your toilet paper rather than re-ingesting that stuff.
If being hard on yourself actually worked as constructive criticism, it would have worked by now. Right? No need for pros and cons or good or bad in a situation. Moreso, what’s workable? Where’s the workability?
If being hard on yourself worked, wouldn’t it have worked by now? Right. So, can you stop that for your benefit?
good = favoritism, often missing what actually is to avoid and be in denial for some celebration instead of dialing in to not waste trouble. bad = shaming behavior, often missing what is in disconnected disassociation.
Your Life, Your Way… to always wash up on your own shore after the storm has broken
So, haven’t you completed the rite of passage of the child becoming the parent of the adult? Or, are you in the process of that? Nods to your courage. That’s more than important stuffstance. If you have no one else today, no Dad or Father, can you give yourself the credit of Your Life, Your Way for being you in spite of that? Can you now then give yourself credit for having become your own Dad?
Always complete, never finished, lifelong.
When you focus on the ‘good’ or ‘bad’ of your fellows, you make an opening in your heart for maliciousness to enter. Testing, competing with, and criticizing others weakens and defeats you. (Every time you act, you command the Universe. Mind that. Create with that. Act with that. Make with that.)
~ Morihei Ueshiba, Founder of Aikido. Translation by John Stevens in The Art of Peace
Pardon any typos or awkward language constructions. AutoCorrect often writes things on my behalf that I didn’t Nintendo.
Never forget… inhibitions can enslave as easily as excesses. They live in blind spots. Every once in a while I survey myself for neuroses and inhibitions. Maybe always complete, never finished, lifelong, though like the Master Gardener, I tend to them Sometimes I weed them. Sometimes, I delve into what is their message for me? Either way, the intensity of the naturalness of the identity of the garden, unthreatened, is the gig.
Strong enough to be Gentle.
Fierce enough to be compassionate.
Is vulnerability the birthplace of courage? Yup, if healthy boundaries are in place and living AS the heart of the matter in how you give, receive, and deeply listen.
How do you make shame walk the plank today to be your own Dad? That way, if you have a Dad you know, so much the more. If you don’t, (only) have yourself and maybe even loved ones, or not… How can you Dad (verb) yourself to dial in to the community celebration that is… How can you celebrate the You of You with Your Life, Your Way without a Dad? Be your own Dad. Give it a shot. I know my Dad was still growing up while trying to raise me. At least I know that now, or in the recent couple of decades. Now, is more than good enough. How can you love you better today knowing that you have become the Dad of You?
(C) 2022 Jordan Hoggard
(C) 2022 The Architecture of Well Being
June 20, 2022 at 12:01 am
As a kid, I used to have terrible travel sickness. My Dad used to drive and every journey used to seem to last forever because he never seemed to take the same route twice and so I always felt lost and a bit fraught wondering if we’d get there before or after me jettisoning the contents of my stomach. Now as an adult driver, I often find myself laughing that I inherited his ad hoc sense of direction. Someone once commented to me that my driving is like jazz. When I asked them what they meant they said smooth and free form and they had no idea where id head next but they were happy to swept along to my rhythm. But also I have a legacy gift in that many times I’ve driven in areas that I think I’ve never been to before and then suddenly it feels like I have a psychic sat nav as I will get an image in my head of some kind of landmark that feels to be just ahead… Then after a correct hit, I realise oh yes, I’ve been here before. This is another one of dad’s routes. Just last Friday evening, I was driving solo through the arse end of nowhere, down twisting country lanes, losing sense of direction and not sure if I was heading to the right destination. A stretch of road felt slight familiar, I drove over a couple of bumps and felt my stomach lurch and instantly recalled flying over those bumps as a kid when my dad was driving at full tilt and I started to laugh as then knew exactly where I was as it was one of his routes to one of the fishing lakes. I’m grateful that his divergent driving shaped my brain into having a latent taxi driver amygdala. I’m also very grateful that as a teen, he paid for all of my driving lessons! As adult, I recognise that my love of driving stems from his love of driving which as a child trying to hold back vomit, I just thought was some kind of bizarre and unusual punishment he was trying to inflict 🤣
Loving your Chiron astro doodle! 😁!!!
June 20, 2022 at 10:50 am
Wonderful story! And, thanks for the nods on the Chiron astro doodle!
June 20, 2022 at 11:09 am
Oh! It reappeared, this morning it seemed to have vanished into the ether! 😘
June 20, 2022 at 11:22 am
I put the comments on the Moderate setting, have to approve them manually. There was some spammy stuff while I was taking a break from blogging, and I didn’t want to have to deal with those nuisances as they arose. Let ’em build up, and clear them out occasionally rather than potentially subjecting others to dangerous links. 🙂
June 20, 2022 at 12:31 pm
Wise move 😊👍