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Blog By Comment is a blog technique I sometimes utilize when someone else’s blog post inspires me and/or strikes a chord to resonate, and my comment in itself is basically an unpublished blog if I notice and allow it to be. I find that to be an important allowing, the noticing of the value you share When you connect. And, with Blog By Comment, the post that inspired me, and that I embraced by sharing here, can potentially do the same for others. In one sense these Blog By Comment posts are postcards sent from my Serendipity Itineraryblog travels.
I really resonate with that, especially from a Brainspotting Therapy perspective. As you come into readiness to look into aspects of trauma with your Psychologist and/or yourself, and you center, and sync with the gravity/magnetism of what you are looking to address, that action of focus and sync feels to dial out a blip on your overall radar inside. Most often, if not in that same session the Part will present itself, walk right in, or peek around a corner, or….. It may be several sessions later (sometimes much much longer). When the Part that IS and has been living that fresh trauma inside you, when you focus with it to address it and zero-talk and over-listen whole-being style, it walks right in through the portal of your gaze from the perspective of the magnetic What you are comes to you. They gravitate back to you, and most often not like dino-killing asteroids in the Yucatan. More of yourself returns as each Part re-surfaces into the scene of your session.
I can view the whole Parts scene as the multi-facets of many personalities, one or several modes from each Part, though that would still be the Inner Child. There isn’t only one Inner Child from my perspective. They are often referred to as Basement Children in Brainspotting that are hidden or hid themselves away. There’s one, at least one, for each and every trauma that peeled them off to be hidden away unconsciously… OR that THEY peeled off from you at some point to relieve you pressure from overload. Those that peeled off? It feels like that’s the impetus of Shadow Work and Soul Retrieval work, though I shake my head No from my perspective to 2 of those. No Inner Child. No Soul Retrieval. ALL Shadow work, calling from the shadows. Brainspotting is all of that and more. And, when you get down to it, I almost didn’t believe it when the 1st several integrated. Done. I had been dosed with more Me. And, to make this particular paragraph even a little too much longer. Behaviorism? Behavior Modification? Pffsss. Not. B.F. Skinner can stick to torture techniques for the CIA where his true abilities lived. Behavior modification to me as a gardener is like taking a pair of scissors to weeds and stepping back to say, WOW, now THAT looks great. Sure. In a temporary relief way. In Brainspotting, that which was causing the behavior in the 1st place transforms into a message that it literally conveys to you before it dissolves to go back and live in you as more energy where it is naturally at home… probably from where it was kidnapped by the trauma in the 1st place. Maybe not in extreme or psychotic scenarios… though, I bet the jury is still out on that one until Psychiatry is made illegal because they medicate before they investigate. The Psychologist have it right. Work with what you have. And, I’ll personally say there’s a lotta goody hidden in the inner infinities of the Psyche.
You know, there really wasn;t a reason to break up the above paragraph. Sometime’s, Can I have a box for that? Leftovers anyone?
There Is A Whole Process
There is a whole process, sometimes instant, sometimes several or many sessions long. Not to embrace the Part, though for the Part to re-embrace you as you are now — it’s been incarcerated and/or living in the world of the trauma that created it, and you and the trauma that created it as a Part are all it knows. And, when that happens, that re-embrace, where You Now and the Part (from then) sync in reciprocality, the Part integrates, and/or begins to integrate. Most likely with no more words. None of that what do you think/feel/etc about that? Talk Therapy jumbo jumbo. There’s talk for sure, though that’s not the driver In Brainspotting. You are the driver, and meeting up with your traumas and Parts is the winding road. Sometimes the road is a flat-out foot-to-the-floor straightaway. Sometimes the road is a hair pin turn. Sometimes dead ends present themselves for you to discover other treasures. And, engaging trauma and integrating it seamlessly is the goal of Brainspotting — at least it was/is for me. Talk is often just more head chatter explosive flack being shot up in the air from the battleship of your EXPECTATIONS — Inspect what you expect. To engage and embrace your trauma. There is great stuff there when you face things.
Talk already occurred, or did not, during the session towards the invitation for the re-meeting of a Part and the trauma(s) that formed it, towards the reunion with the Part. And, as a Part integrates and the ablution cascade of tingles washes through a particular place in your body or your whole body, What you are now larger and more of yourself has come[-s] to you.
ImaginAction began as a challenge to myself In 2012. I wanted to design another original Tarot Spread. And, then I thought, Cool. And, how limiting is that?! One spread? That’s like someone in a relationship saying they’ll die for you. WHAT?! No. No. Do you hear what you;re saying? All you have to do is do that once, and I’m left with the bag of moving forward. How ‘bout LIVE for YOU, and let’s rock it together? You do that once? Nope, that doesn’t give me warm tingles of support. I feel that’s a cop-out.
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Blog (c) 2020 Jordan Hoggard
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Yup, There’s an Intent
But, how does that intent come across? What’s expressed there? Excellent, an undying love… but, by dying? Look I’m into the light in the dark and vice versa which is a Both-And and certainly not dualism. Was there an intent to devotion and want to be with someone? Plus, why do you want to die for me?
Sure. It’s expressing a magnetic connection of how far you’d go, though, how about go to right here, right now, and look your troubles in the eye, and in Silent Empath wholebody hearing them out find both their message and inherent opportunity for workability they offer by enhancing you as you enhance them listening to one another?
I won’t go into how that kind of gesture may be hopped on limerance or infatuation or other sell-me-the-whole-farm in a single statement kinda thing a bit like a used car salesman with good intentions. Commitment includes tomorrow + we’ll also never know the future, and adaptability, together.
So, What Was All That Up There? ???!!!
That? That was what went through my head in that series of moments in 2012 when this portion of my work began? I was 10 months out from publishing Tarot in the Land of Mystereum with Schiffer Publications in Feb of 2011. 2012 was coming to a close, and I was a gestation cycle of working and resting my bigger works to rejuvenate their well. It spoke to me not about that single death-creative-event-one-off-quick-fix. It spoke to me about how designing one spread was cool and all. People do it all the time. There’s no requirement for how few or many you create and make, or any at all. But, the shallow roots of the quick fix? Nah, that’s not my gig to just skip stones on the top of the water to get to the other side. I’ll dive deep and literally go to the other side.
The fact that I work much better in series work, the long-form processes where I complete many things along the way. Where I explore a theme. Where I set off on a path in a direction whether I blaze a trail or not. I don;t compete with myself. Because, if I win, I just beat myself. That kinda cancels shit out, huh?
When you focus on the ‘good’ or ‘bad’ of your fellows, you make an opening in your heart for maliciousness. Testing with, competing, and criticizing others weakens and defeats you.
Morihei Ueshiba, Founder of Aikido in John Steven’s translation of The Art of Peace.
I firmly feel that expression from Morihei Ueshiba directly applies to how we treat ourselves. And, that day, I wasn’t competing with myself. I felt a self-born challenge being built like clay on a potter’s wheel becoming as raw earth is made into something with water and air, and ultimately to be tempered so to speak in the fire. If you’re a vessel, you stop there. If you’re a sword, you have the added opportunity to explode when taken straight from the fire into the cold and clean water. You make that, you get the heat and I’ll dip to bring out your textures.
A Challenge Built
I get it, I said. I see. I feel what’s up. In regards to spreads 78 is an arbitrary number that has to do with the card count in a deck. Heck, why not? Stick to them. Rip that number out into the crucible Heat of the challenge. Do 78 spreads. 78 original spreads inspired BY your artwork, and WITH the artwork integral in them rather than molted like a snake skin after. No chrysalis here. Transform this here in the open.
So in that series of moments I decided to do 78 original Tarot spreads in 78 days. No exceptions. Hard deadlines them all. No multiples. No inter-relationship directly in the making except one 78-part community. Each would open up an ablution pool of its own world for people to immerse in and heck… can I do a Tarot spread where you don’t even need cards? What about a Tarot spread for people who could give a rat’s ass about Tarot?
So, I did. They were sale for a short bit as a package deal Of only the spreads, though wonderfully, 10 months later they went dormant. Went back to where they came from? Nope. It was time for me to garden some more, literally. Hands in the dirt with dahlias and roses and pansies and creeping time and building a stone walking path through the garden to the car and (pointy orange glowing things), and a 7th generation heirloom fern peony. The spreads were simply the proper beginning of a great seed for me.
Went to Sleep
Those spreads went to sleep for 7 years. Nascent. Dormant. Dormant, until 2 weeks before the 3/19/20 shutdown where at 3a I bolted up awake to sit in the stark and steep in a wonderful and wordless joy. When you purchase your download of ImaginAction, you’ll realize that this is a counterpart Creation Story to what really formed it. I love the way they dovetail together in the process of ImaginAction‘s birth.
Q: What is ImaginAction? What if I don’t get this Tarot and Divination thing?
R (response): Excellent. Do you meditate or enjoy when you are invigorated when at peace, like a walking meditation or just getting in the zone, your zone? Do you work with mindfulness or clarity or directly getting to the point? Oh, then this is certainly not for you with all those words up E. Shaking head. You can take a joke, right? What do you get?
R2: Oh, I get it when things are clear and valuable and there was a solid reason to do them.
R: Cool. ImaginAction is just for you. Stare into the paintings with your question in mind. Say it out loud as you slide into Empathic Silence. Just listen. I know, right? 3 whole minutes? 4? That’s an eternity to be quiet and not be getting something done. Really? Is it? How long are your breaks? What do you come back from them with?
R2: I come back refreshed.
R: Excellent. I’m gathering the eSpa of these 78 Ablution Pools will do at least that, though most likely… well, I’ll have to let you jump in and see for yourself. I’d say what’s to lose at the price of a coffee, though I can’t devalue the eSpa that way. Looking forward to trying it.
R2: Price of a coffee? Really? $3.80 for 103-pages with 78 in full color? One, simple download? What’s the catch?
R: Don’t know what’ll be biting today. Depends on the quality of bait you use I guess. Ok, there’s a catch. I’m not sure the automatic send of your download works yet. So, there might be a lag until I swing back around to click plaid in full. I know, right? It depends on the time of the day. Once I click the button, it’ll send you your download email with a link over on the right. Don’t blink. When I tested the file optimization on my slowest device. It literally started and was done. Oh, and you can download 3. One for each device? One for you and two to share. You’re call.
R2: I think I will. What if I have questions after?
R: O that’s simple. Plug them into the comments on any blog post here. I tend to see them all. 😉
R2: Ok then. See you soon. Going to the eSpa for $3.80! This feels good. Reservation for one or more any time from phone, iPad, ‘putter. Love it. No cards required. Hmmm… I’ll have to see if that also means the pools are even better with cards…
Sometimes off-trail so to speak, most often that off-trail is a myth in the creative process as you’re still experiencing from my perspective. Heck, going to a hot spring… is often off-trail. Going down a long dead end road, and finding a perspective or jewel or landscape vista or new inner vista from the experience? Immersing in ablution and having your own Inner Inheritances make you their executor In the Ablution Pools? Worth it to me. I’ll look forward to see the worth to you. It doesn’t seem a stretch to say, to see the value of you increase. Heck, Talk a good game, but can’t box when the mouths close? Nah, doesn’t apply here.
The greatest fear for success should not be failure. It should Be succeeding at something that doesn’t matter.
~ Francis Chan
That relationship didn’t matter with the constant, toxic drip of shaming behaviors. I mattered, though, and understood that even a Professional Psychologist could get to her. I’m not a Professional Psychologist. I woke up when, outside of my family, I lost the thing most personal thing. 1st my creativity went. Then, my imagination died on the vine, desiccated by the drip so slowly that right before my eyes that I hadn’t seen it happen… right under my nose.
Creativity and imagination going away are pretty much one of the most common symptoms of PTSD, and when a relationship is a prison camp of Steven’s Wright’s dog named Stay. And, for an Artist, an Architect, a Tarot Reader and Astologer and Author? Fear incarnate. Like Steven Wright naming his dog Stay.
Come here, Stay. Come here, Stay.
I had to do something about it. We went into couple’s therapy as my requirement for staying in the relationship. I’d never given an ultimatum before as I typically see them as a unilateral decision made by one, though hidden behind the fakery that the person being given the ultimatum even has a chance. I never saw the merit of an ultimatum except in extreme cases, and this was certainly that. Still, ultimatums root themselves in control, and that has a tendency to cause disconnection and are most likely manipulation born of being afraid in most cases?
You give an ultimatum? Well, you need to be comfortable with the infinite responses possible, not a finite set of them, and certainly nothing definite. Definite, that which takes the finite away and results in a decision.
Ultimatums are worse from my perspective than the attempt to count to infinity, except in extreme cases. So, I cocked my head and realized this was one of those, an intense extreme case. If I didn’t want to die on the vine in total, or worse, experience the creative catatonic of being forever miserable, then it would begin with this.
The 1st Session
Funny thing happened on the way to…. Funny thing happened. Every time the Psychologist asked her a question in the 1st session, she’d put it off on me.
I started seeing something I’d never seen before as I wasn’t engaging in argument. I was powerfully listening because no one was coming at me directly. He was simply asking her questions. What did I see? The Narcissistic Sociopath. Projective Identity way beyond Psychological Projection, and stresses that were not Eustress. I saw rage and hatred and no fear and plenty of being afraid. Such anxiety about anything coming from the outside world… as it wold most likely be dangerous or to harm her. At least, that’s the expectation I saw her not inspect.
While calmly, calmly but fully dafuqin surprised, I calmly listened as my historical friends Carl Jung and Friedrich Nietzsche hopped up on each shoulder and settled in, settled in as I simply listened. Listened to the therapist turn her back to herself, which she would push right off over to me. And, he would calmly repeat.
I simply listened until the Psychologist turned to ask me something, and I felt into the question, attempted to open, attempted to feel-say, and say what I feLet. Rough. Raw, rugged geodes of statements where if he didn’t know what to hear for, the happy-mad-glad-sad hidden, I would have conveyed no feelings whatsoever. Though, he knew geodes better than me as a rock hound.
1st session, she leaves frustrated. I get it. This shit, this mud’s not easy. I leave with a hopeful though very furrowed brow. What dafuq just happened?
The 2nd Session
The 2nd session, I’m opening up, getting comfortable with things I was not comfortable with at all. He checkmates her. She still pushes it over. 3/4 of an hour and nothing but deflection. The therapist turns to me, and she, Wait! He’s the one with the problems. I don’t want to hear his bullshit. The therapist turns to me, Jordan, what do you think about that? I smiled one of those smiles where your temples flex. I feel she just described herself perfectly to a ‘T’. I don’t know that I have much to do with it. In fact it felt selfish to make it all about me. Her words not mine is what I got there. Her words for her to respond to.
Glad I brought a lighter. Guess that lit a show fuse.
The 3rd Session
3rd session. The therapist opens up with, Ok, Jordan is putting in an effort with an honesty that is based in vulnerability. You aren’t pulling your weight here. You are also a Psychologist. These sessions have started off wholly imbalanced, so I suggest we have two initial choices: we do them individually moving forward with each of you until both have made progress to come together in a session set; or, with him here we spend this Whole session on you in the interest of re-balancing.
Ohhhhh, was she incensed. And, I saw it, felt it whole-body. I saw the caged animal inside her lashing out through the bars. All her pain and what had been done to her — which, credit to her was quite a bit of beyond terrible And tragic things throughout her life. There’s a beauty in that gift of sight with someone when you see them warts and all, and then I came back from the experience on the other side… of the couch… into the room as she burst out in a rager of a Rantra at HIM… you know, the therapist, the one who couldn’t have done any of this to her? Yeah, that guy.
And, up and out of the session she flew.
We had come in from different parts of town, so different cars. His eyebrows go up calmly nodding to me. So, do you need to get up and go? I smiled. Ha! I saw what I was up against when she blamed you. She’s been doing that to me with every question she has ever asked after the 1st 2 months, for the last 2+ years. Your a profession in the Psych industry. With what I saw happen in these past 3 sessions, could YOU even ever get to her?
It doesn’t happen often, though most likely not.
Ok, I’m not a Psych professional, so the odds of me getting through? Less than zero to give myself at least some credit.
He smiled. I Continued.
She’s an Angler fish with her shiny questions and then GOBBLE, and you only then swim inside her shame. I saw that for the 1st Time today. There’s NO way YOU could be responsible for ANY of what she put on you tonight. She and I? That ended when the door closed behind her just now.It’s not the straw that broke the camel’s back. It was caused by the 1 million 435 thousand straws piled up on there unnoticed one by one until… I’m not Atlas.
So, nope, not leaving. We came in separate cars, she and I are through. I’ll handle that later. For my safety I may need to check into a hotel. Though, we still have 40 minutes, right?
Well then, yes we do. What would you like to focus on?
And the Long Road Home Began As…
I saw on your bio that you do Brainspotting. How does that work? Something is like a magnet inside me fascinated with that, and I know spare little about it.
He proceeded to give me the general overview in several minutes.
Well, COOL! Let’s get started. Let me stand up and shake that previous off, maybe an adrenaline dump like dogs and cats literally shaking it off and back into flow, and breathe deeply, then sit down…. Ok, how do we start?
And, We Did
I Took the Long Road Home
I took the long road home, ended the Internal Civil War between my own Parts, things I’ve called Inner Inheritances in Tarot in the Land of Mystereum and ImaginAction, and ImaginAction 2.0 that caused me to not only allow that kind of relationship, but to maybe even to expect it. Interesting to me that I wrote about things that I was doing naturally, though that wouldn’t reach the intensity to dive even deeper than I had in writing those books.
The Parts Now?
The Parts now? Now, I continue to work with and listen to them regardless of their intensity as they come up, or they choose to be allies in different ways not ready yet to dissolve in those ablution cascades of tingles in parts of the body when they do. And, some are heard, and I ask them their message. As I receive, they disappear into me, and I feel ablution tingles as they cascade disperse to re-home where they belong in my body.
I feel again now. I feel and do my creative work. I’m in love with my creativity and imagination again. I look forward to where that takes me from here.
After 3+ years of Brainspotting, Sovereign.
18 months ago I paused Brainspotting after 3+ years, looked up from my desk. Why was I even sitting there? Why had I been sitting there for the same hour every day for 2 weeks. I chuckled and smiled wide temples flexing eyes brightening and began writing as if I had never stopped… as out loud I said,
In Regards to Unresolved Trauma That Triggers You, Here’s a Bastille Day Poem I Wrote in 1993
Who Is to free the prisoners when sand sleeps in the eternity of the titled hourglass?
(C)) 1993 Jordan Hoggard
There is an art to learning your cup is always being filled with beauty, and learning how to tip it over to spill some out. Beauty spilled is a mess that doesn’t need to be cleaned up. Trauma, trauma stuck inside and driving you. May I suggest to learn ways to tilt the hourglass back up to wake up those sands of trauma so they can flow rather than fester?
Now, it’s time
Now it’s time to grow a Lotus out of this mud.
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now, put the foundations under them.
~ Henry David Thoreau, Walden
And, I began writing again, differently now.
That All started
That all started 4 1/2 years ago.
I took the long road home, on purpose.
I cherish what I went through and have done and how I’ve grown into myself where my boundaries look like… well, they look just like me. In the last 18 months from It’s time to grow a Lotus out of this mud,, and from all the creative work I did before the poisonous drip and ooooohhhh SHINY of the Angler Fish‘s bait… they live here now. In me. Perennials waking after a long winter sleep to wake verdant and naturalize in my voice.
And, what’s that? What have I done. Naturalize my perennials? I’ve begun to naturalize the perennial of me in my wonderful Soul Garden. Soul Gardener… hmmm, I like that. Thank you M.Y. — you know who you are. That card you gave me at REI that day Sitting on the bench with coffee in Denver in 2006-2007. You wrote that to me. You referred to me as a Soul Gardener in your card. It was such an honor and went way over my head of the credit I was NOT giving myself back then to believe in my work fully. That stuck. And now, I’m unstuck. Thank you for that gift, for that card, for your astute and apt and heartfelt words, so I can now thank myself for my value, and be grateful… I can be grateful that I have a Soul Gardener to help me Naturalize further in my life, may way. Thank you, M.Y.
Quick fixes have shallow roots.
Storms make the oaks take deeper roots.
~ George Herbert
A tree with deep roots laughs at storms.
~ Malay Proverb
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in the bud was greater than the risk it took to blossom.
~ Anais Nin
Religion and Heaven are for people who do not want to go to Hell. Spirituality is for those of us who have already been there.
~ David Bowie
My Soul Gardener Asks
What cornerstone in life do you brace against to grow a Lotus out of the mud in an area of your life… no matter how long it takes?
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