Blood & Sand
Magician ~ High Priestess ~ Empress ~ Emperor
Inception ~ Conception ~ Birth ~ Naming
… Though, in that moment when my head nap-jerked popped back up on the 3rd time like a fishing bobber, near death on Mt Democrat… the moment when I paused and became fully aware and bobbed back up, pregnant with my own life, emptied to fill my well anew…
Poseidon welled up through my 10th House Neptune~Mercury conjunction, dutifully commanded softly… well, as softly as Poseidon is able with the full force of Nature…
Stop crying. You’re wasting water.
You need that up here. All you have is your own now. All you have is you.
All you have is your own now. Keep it.
Your job is simple, no less intense for it, though simple.
Stop bowing. What message do you have for yourself IN this experience?
Feel it. Say it out loud. Hear it.
There’s only one way to honor it and allow it to develop in your Soul Garden and amend your soil without YOU being the fertilizer…
and wisen your future experiences in the perpetual present.
I Don’t Dissolve
I’m from the depths, and I know Hades, and I know you are now nowhere near dead. Just dead tired, beaten down with and only now you are
blood and sand and wind and cold.
If you don’t make it off this pile of rocks, your message will die on the vine. Then, no use to you. No, if you croak here and become a Bio class skeleton!…
Get up to KEEP IT!!
I Rose Up & Called Out
Death is the Mother of memory, organic fertilizer, nourishes dreams, ideas, intuitions, imagination. Death does not get me now except to amend the soil in the garden of ME, but not yet WITH me!
YES!, I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO die today, turning back up to point at the unseen summit over several pitches, though I’m going to die going fuqin THAT way!
At the Top Again
At the top, still not yet having begun to down-climb in the dark from 14,363 feet to 10k+ to base camp. I didn’t make haste. I didn’t attempt to go straight back down to safety. I suddenly got in NO HURRY WHATSOEVER. And, I took a side trip. I ambled back up to the top. Why go down when I’m already here. Won’t be able to do this tomorrow. When in Rome!
I’m Here. Experience.
I’m here. Back to the top to sit. Not for long, though I need to rest. Can’t go to sleep. Wouldn’t wake up. Important. Don’t go to sleep. Like a concussion. Don’t go to sleep! Sit. Sit with the experience NOW.
Need to sit.
I walked back up from the pre-summit mini-plateau to the summit where I had been earlier, had penciled my name in on the log sheet in the plastic envelope now flap-smacking in the wind on the pole set in rocks almost mocking me. Then,
… Oh. You’re not mocking me. You’re waving my shoestring flag of being out on a limb. That’s ma flag.. Felt the groggy pushing. Thank you.
I sat on the rocks.
What Message Am I gifted from this experience?
Well, certainly don’t pencil yourself in. Don;t allow yourself to be penciled in. Don’t do it in blood, either. Be fluid. Be direct. Oh dafuq, that’s a problem. I’m fuckin’ with myself. Big prob up here. That’s like desiccated hubris AT oneself. Not good. That tired. Too tired. Mind energy. No fighting. That’s a waste. Be. Experience. Continue.
Who was it, Brene Brown? Yes, Brene Brown expressed, Vulnerability is the birthplace of courage.
To which I will weave into her expression my own…
Immersion is ablution, … and,
And, Anais Nin
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
Though I may have caused a future need for Soul Retrieval that day for continually shedding whole beings of myself shedding-soul-dumping 6 times at least… l, moving slowly back up the scree field to drop weight away that day….
No. I didn’t Do that at all. Yes, I dropped whole portions of myself in positive liposuction to lighten, though, in doing I revealed myself to myself, my colors. And, 3+ years of bi-weekly/monthly Brainspotting 15 years later? I secured me back, back here WITH my imagination and creativity to come back anew. NOW! The snake my skin shedded. The snake my skin not missed for the splendor of my own colors found… the meaning is…
Across one afternoon and dusk and evening and night Where I became only blood and a sand and wind and cold… now around midnight… I found myself. I was blissful. A bit deluded and/or out of sorts I’m sure. Though, I found myself. And then? I came to. I didn’t lose all the beauty of the transcendence. Not. At. All. AND. I also found myself in seriously intense trouble. Hmmmm, so I found myself in trouble.
I don’t dafuqin waste trouble, that ‘s for sure. THAT woke me up from places beyond exhaustion. Sitting there at the summit… My SOP M.O. of DON’T WASTE TROUBLE came back on line.
Feel it. Hear it inside. I feel it. I hear it deep inside like a grown building to the beast that is me. (NO ! Need with a beast. They already are). Step back and open to resonance and space to expand until it settles. Settling. Full on chaos of Nature inside, settles, deep water silently flowing, and top of lake made of glass. Top lake of glass. The top of the lake is now made of glass, so STAND UP! Now, say it.
I’m still surprised I didn’t fall asleep up there that exhausted, though. Surprised and not that I came to. Though, how could I not? I was only half way through on the long road home. Until you’re off, you’re still on. Knock me dafuq completely out, or I’m still a problem, as the saying goes. When you’re alive, you always have something to be alive for… if none other than that you are… alive.
Keep it, I heard again. Softly at first.
Adversity doesn’t build character. It reveals it. ~ James Lane Allen’s words came through, and…
Keep it, I…
oh, no voice. All dried out. I don’t waste trouble!, I thought, so…
I Uncle Walt YAWPED IT INSIDE.
It has echoed since.
How Do You Keep Self-Geodes
you’ve Cracked Open?
What Inner Inheritances Do You Discover?
Keep ‘em yours and private if you wanna. I simply ask that you utilize them. They’re yours, on your own terms. Your Life, Your Way.
P.S.: Autocorrect often writes what I didn’t Nintendo.
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Blog (c) 2020 Jordan Hoggard
ImaginAction (c) 2008 – 2020 Jordan Hoggard
ImaginAction (c) 2008 – 2020 Jordan Hoggard
Blog (c) 2020 Jordan Hoggard
June 9, 2020 at 4:54 am
Thank you for your song of resilience. It’s needed now.
June 9, 2020 at 4:59 am
You’re welcome. As much as it’s needed now, I needed to hear that. Thank you.